Bleh!

Well, camping was a bit disappointing. I drove myself, so I got there way before my favorite cousin. Ended up “hanging out with” his brother in the meantime. I say “hanging out with” cuz he had me putting together his fucking griddle. I can’t hardly focus when I’m trying to do something for myself, so it took me about 15 minutes just to get started on the fucking thing, & he ended up walking away for most of the assembly cuz the power kept going out in his camper. And I did something wrong, but it was no big deal. So, that kinda pissed me off. Then, once my favorite cousin got there, everything was fine. We had fun. Went to bed around 3, but I couldn’t sleep til about 6, & then I woke up around 9 cuz it was too hot. So, I was overtired & miserable for most of the day yesterday. I planned on leaving at 5 or 6. 6 came around, & I was ready to go, but favorite cousin & his mom insisted I stay for dinner; “it’ll only take a half hour!” It took an hour & a half. I didn’t get home til 9:30pm. I got about 8 or so hours sleep last night, but I’m still super tired.

My (less favorite, lol) cousin wants me to bring my father down there. When we were all drinking the other night, he told me that my parents were his second parents while he was growing up. So, when I was born, they “kicked him to the curb”. He spent a lot of time with my father when he was a kid; my father taught him how to fish, & he still loves it. My parents were his godparents. And I guess he was a bit jealous when I came into existence, heh. But, I told him, “you’ve always been welcome to come over!” Nobody stopped him but himself, for whatever reason. So, he insists I bring my father down. I, on the other hand, really don’t want to. Why? CUZ I NEED A FUCKING BREAK. That’s why I go down there in the first place. And the last thing I need is to try to have fun, while worrying if he’s stumbling around, or miserable. I probably shouldn’t care if he’s miserable, cuz he’s an asshole, but I can’t help it, it’s my nature. He wants to bring my father out on his boat, & show off his land. I think he wants my father to be proud of him, cuz I don’t think his own father was capable of that very often due to an overwhelming love of vodka. (Little does he know that my father’s never expressed any emotion toward me except contempt & anger, and neutral.) So, my only motivations to bring him out there are that my father does need to get out & around family (though I’ve been trying to do that for over 10 years, & I couldn’t hardly even get him to come to my first apartment for Thanksgiving way back when) cuz it’d be good for him, & so my (less favorite) cousin can have some peace of mind with his relationship with my father. He said he’d come out here & get him if he had to. I kinda hope he does, heh. And I kinda hope we can stay home so I can get some stuff done around the house & take the day to unwind & recharge tomorrow. We’ll see…..

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