Fuck my brain.

I can’t concentrate for shit. For a few days now. My mind is all up in a hizzy. In part cuz I’m horny, lol. My libido was running at about 5% for a very long time. And right before (ex)Hubby decided to go fuck that dumb bitch, was when my libido started revving up. But he didn’t wanna fuck me, he wanted to fuck her. Anyway… I keep thinking about “old friend”. I always wanted a little fling with him. He strikes me as an amazing fuck, LOL, & a great date for a couple months…before he gets bored, or whatever. I really wanna get it out of my system. But I also really don’t wanna fuck with his head, or heart. For all I know, he’s married by now, heh. But…hanging out with my cousin & his friends just makes me miss “old friend” more. I think he’d have so much fun hanging out with them. And me. Heh. I don’t know.

I can’t concentrate for shit. I started feeling a little weird before going camping last. Anxiety, or whatever. And my mind’s been buzzing all over the place. I can’t get much done; I keep getting distracted, despite my best “mindfulness” efforts. (Ex)Hubby came over before work yesterday. He was nervous & dreading work, cuz he didn’t know what would happen with his (now ex, haha) girlfriend – he wanted to leave her alone, but he also wanted closure (is she ending things with him because she’s just too scared to leave her husband, despite all the shit she talked about him?) Well, when he got in to work, his boss told him to leave her alone. Then, I guess she left early at some point during the day (he said he didn’t see her car). Then, after work, her husband texted him again, asking him to leave them alone. As far as I know, he has been leaving her alone for the most part. I told him he’s better off just avoiding the drama. Cuz this girl is just bursting at the seams with it, heh. (Then again…I guess I could say the same about “old friend”, & his overreactions to things.) So, I talked to him quite a bit yesterday. He’s been taking everything quite hard. He said all he does when he’s home is lay on the couch, & pace around the house. Though, I guess he should. He left me for a married woman who wasn’t as eager as he was to throw away a very long relationship. So, he can pace away. Maybe his head will dislodge from his ass in the process, haha.

I need to figure out how to dislodge mine from my own ass, hahaha. I’ve been getting decent sleep the past couple days, but I’m still tired. Too stuck in this mental fog. I eventually tried making crafts last night… Made a granny square, got distracted toward the end, fucked it up, threw it out. Finished the “namaste, now fuck off” page in my coloring book hehehehe, so I’m looking forward to framing it & hanging it up. xD And I was going to try making some candles with my new hot plate, but…it’s so goddamn complicated. So, I got them started (glued the wicks in), & took some notes from the instructions; hopefully it’ll be pretty easy to do tonight, if I get around to it. I gotta try to do something today. It’s still too cold to do much outside. Fuck, I forgot I gotta move stuff off my old mower. I wonder when my newer mower is gonna be fixed. I gotta go get cigs today…& maybe a frame, hehe. I just wanna fuck “old friend” & take a nap with him, lol. Uggh.


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