Had fun…now drained

Man, I had a lot of fun the past 24 hours. I was so excited yesterday, I forgot to even mention it on here, haha. My cousin asked if I’d like to go to his property, about an hour south. I said sure. So, he had me meet him at his mom’s. She made us ziti for dinner, hehe. Then he took me to his house, & showed off his awesome bachelor pad. Then we headed down; picked up some stuff at the store & rented a couple movies on the way. He walked me around the property a little bit, even though it was dark & very cold. We went in his trailer & watched about half of The Passengers. When his neighbor got home from the bar with a few people, we ended up going over & partying with them for, like, 5 or 6 hours LOL. I never drink, & I had 2 shots (moonshine & fireball) & like 5 beers. So, I was well buzzed, but not obliterated. My cousin on the other hand…was a little more drunk than me. Though, he’s not used to partying & catching up with me, having heartfelt family conversations at 5am, lol. It was a lot of fun. I really like his eccentric neighbor’s house/barns. He actually has a silo on his land, which he says he wants to turn into a giant pepsi bottle / rock climbing wall, lol. He has more than a few old cars, & a shit ton of neat antiques from the 1940’s & surrounding decades. He also has a native american story rock, dated to about 3000 years ago, which he found on his property. He’s got a bar & a pool table in one of the barns, so that’s where we hung out. He’s a gracious host – 3 different kinds of pizza rolls LOL, & all the alcohol you could imagine. He was flirting with me pretty hard…though he hardly even looked at me today LMFAO. Very very cool place. Very nice guy, too. Anyway…fell asleep around 6:30am, woke up around 9:30, stayed awake for about an hour texting (ex)Hubby a little bit, woke back up at 11:30. Couldn’t find my cousin, even after I texted him… He got too cold, & ended up passing out in his well-heated shed til like 1. Then his mother stopped down, with his brother, brother’s wife, & 2 kids. We had lunch, & watched the other movie (Hacksaw Ridge). My other cousin went a little offroading with his field truck, then he drove down a couple miles to show me the local lake. And that’s the bulk of it. It was a lot of fun. Might go down again next weekend.

But now I am drained. As fuck. Probably because I only got 4 fucking hours of sleep. And from all the excitement. I started crying shortly after coming home. I miss (ex)Hubby so much. I miss sharing my life with him. And now I’m sobbing again, heh. The whole drive home, all I could think about was “maybe he’d be down for a country ride next weekend or something. We could just drive out that way, check out his uncle’s land, check out my cousin’s land, & come home.” Well…go home. Since mine isn’t his home anymore. Ugh. I love him, & I miss him, but…part of me loathes him for all this. For doing this to me. For not being the man I thought he was. Ugggh. I need a shower. Maybe make dinner. Finish my laundry. Rest. I need rest. Shower, laundry, rest…go! haha

ETA : I haven’t done any of those things. LOL. Got caught up looking at the land on google earth, lolol. (Ex)Hubby agreed to go on a road trip to see my cousin’s & his uncle’s properties sometime. So, that might be nice. Someday. Shower, food, rest…go, dammit! lol

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