Fuck!! Cried for about 5 1/2 hours. Even cried in the shower; had to grab onto a shelf & my father’s assist bar to stop myself from dropping to my knees cuz I was crying so hard. That’s not just cuz he’s gone. That’s overwhelm. That happened quite often a few years ago, when we were living at his mom’s. It calmed down after that, though certainly not completely. Anyway…split second decided to grab an iced cappuccino. Figured…. I was planning on having a beer or something when I got back home (cuza the whole crying for 5 hours thing), but I really love the taste of my iced capps, even though I probably shouldn’t drink caffeine. So, I decided to get a sweet treat instead of drinking. Went to my tax appointment. My tax lady is really nice. She’s older, & really loves her customers. (Ex)hubby left a couple things crammed in with my father’s stuff, & he already filed his taxes himself online. She said “and that’s why he should’ve come & seen me lol”. All he can do is keep it with the other documents in case he gets audited. I was in with her for over an hour, & she gave me a hug at the end, lol. I really didn’t even get into too much with her about what’s going on, but I did explain to her that I’m trying to figure out the mess that is my father’s finances, as well as a hundred other things. Nice lady, nice convo…started panicking about 5 times during that hour. I mean, I breathed & kept my cool as much as I could visibly, but…that was a nightmare. And it drained the shit out of me. I started crying & panicking again almost as soon as I got in the car. I think I’ve calmed down now though.


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