Wish I hadn’t had that conversation….

So, I texted my ex almost sister in law. Wish I hadn’t. She just immediately started going into it about (ex)Hubby. Which I didn’t expect, or want. Trying to be sympathetic, but busting out a bunch of cliche shit about moving on. Doesn’t want to fill me with false hope. What the fuck. So, I guess (ex)Hubby really doesn’t want to work on us. I’m sure she’s at least heard through the grapevine. That was heartbreaking. I don’t even know what to say. Paraphrasing: mulling over the details of your relationship won’t help you move on. It’s been less than 2 weeks. She asked what my plan was, I said I have a nightmare list with 100 things on it. I didn’t even wanna talk about him, I was just saying hi!! FUCK!!!

I intend to “move on”. Though, how could I ever completely?!? After 11 years. His feelings changed. I didn’t even know. The burdens of everything. I kept as much off him as I could. His own self hatred & lack of desire to change it. I tried to help. Talking to him, I can’t believe he really wants to end it. But I know he does. He dropped his complacent facade so quick it slapped me to the floor. I still have that sliver of hope that one day… At least we’ll still be friends. It’s just so absurd.

ETA : 50 posts, heh.


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