What a fucking day

Hubby encouraged me to find a therapist. Like I think I said, I think I found a place. But I’m terrified. I guess I got nothin’ left to lose though. I signed up on 7cups.com; after browsing the site a while, decided to get hooked up with an online therapist. She seems ok so far. I just vented to her like crazy, but she only checks in once a day. She suggested I look for a women’s support group, or a divorce/separation support group, but there aren’t any of either in this county. Kinda shocking. Lots of domestic abuse support groups, no surprise there, heh. I think I need a social worker. To help me with my father. A case worker, like my gramma used to have. I don’t know how all that works though. Heh; I actually turned my Facebook back on. I don’t know who to talk to, who to reach out to, or anything though. Everyone’s got their own lives; I hate to burden anyone. Not that anyone’s been around anyway.

He said he can’t come see me too soon. But my father needs a shower soon, & he needs to go to SSA soon; & then he also has a doctor’s appointment coming up in a couple weeks. I seriously can’t do this alone.

I’m struggling pretty bad today. Going out earlier was tough. I still haven’t slept; can’t. All I’ve eaten is a few bites of cup noodle, & a few baby carrots. I’m not hungry, or tired. All I’ve really done all day is write to my new online therapist & browse the site. I’m cold, & shaking. Like an addict going through withdrawl. Those cuds kept my soul warm. Now I’m alone.

I told said therapist I wouldn’t ruminate. lol. I don’t know what to eat, but I know I should eat something…

Kind words to get me by…

“It must be very very hard for you to have experienced this”

“However right now you need to heal”

It is your time to shift your focus to you

And let go of the immediate past but to focus on things that make you happy

He alone cannot bring you happiness you and he needs space

To process and you as well

Give him some time and there will be some heartbreak but let him be and focus on your process

I hope it’s not a violation of any kind to post that; I just need the reminders in my face. I gotta go try to eat something, or do more yoga. Something. I feel so fuckin’ shitty.

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