Ugh, FUCK!!!!!

Well, I finally called to make an appointment. Initially asked if they take my insurance & how much it would be. They had me call my insurance company, who transferred me to their mental health network, who told me it’s a $15 copay. So, called them back & set up an appointment. As soon as possible. Which is at 11am next Monday, with an intern & a supervisor ….. which I did not want. Tried for another, but it wouldn’t have been til next Friday, when my father has a doctor’s appointment, which I don’t know how I’m going to manage. After that would’ve been the following Monday, but I certainly can’t wait that long. Of course, I accidentally hung up on the girl who was making my appointment for me when I went to write down the time, so I had to call back. Why must everything be so frustrating, & difficult?!? I’m already pretty paralyzed. I had to make “Hubby” my emergency contact- “Relationship?” “Uh..friend. *tears*”

I feel a tiny bit better today than yesterday. My heart wouldn’t calm down yesterday. It’s still pretty bad (it took me over 2 hours to call for that appointment), but not as bad as yesterday. Still no appetite. Had a V8. Took a shower. Got the mail, & brought the trash/recycling bins up. Did my laundry. Whenever I try to find something to do though, I get so overwhelmed with everything I have to do…& there goes my heart rate. Laying down last nite, my pulse was 100bpm. I’m gonna try to get off the computer for a while. Focus on my breaths. Do some yoga. I don’t know. I should go to the grocery store, but I really don’t have the energy to. Maybe later.

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