Can’t sleep yet.

Laying down, my pulse is 100bpm. I just keep thinking about how much I need him. I need his support so bad. He’s all I have. It’s not fair to him, but…I’m sorry. I need him so bad. I keep thinking about his mom; I don’t want to burden her. I know I need to just give him his space, but I literally can’t. I can’t rush it, I know. But I need help. I can’t do this alone.

Gotta keep focusing on my breaths. Gotta try to calm my heart rate. I’m getting absolutely no relief today. I’m scared to try to meditate.

I’m so sorry to put him through this. And he’s sorry for putting me through this. I’m so scared that I’m gonna get sick within the next few days, IBS-wise. I’m due.

Just took ZQuil. Hopefully my heart can rest a bit.

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