Ate a lil

It was brutal. Had a little bit of my spaghetti from the other night; didn’t really eat any of the pasta. My main motivation for eating was so that I can take a ZQuil. I need to sleep. I’m gonna try to lie down for a little bit first; hopefully I won’t need assistance, but I think I will. Somehow. I never have trouble sleeping. Now I do. I’m so scared. I think that’s why. He can’t come see me. He’s all I have. I’m alone. And I have too much to deal with. I know I need to focus on myself & my healing, but I have way too much shit on my shoulders right now. I’m panicking. All day. I wanna talk to his mom so fucking bad; not about him, just so I have someone to talk to. Someone to care for me for a moment. Some affection, I guess. I need to spend time with someone. No therapy is going to help me with that. I’m so drained. I’m so alone. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to be panicking so hard if I call for a therapist tomorrow, though I know I should. It’s going to be so fucking hard. I don’t think I can do it alone. I need support. I need someone rubbing my back when I do something like that. I’m so fucking scared.

I gotta get back off here for a little while…

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