I wish it were nicer outside. I’d love to at least just lay in the grass for a while. Feel some warmth from the sunshine cuz I’ve been perpetually cold for, like, 3 days now. I wanna grab the tent & go camp out somewhere. I’d like to go to a beach & feel some sand under my feet & try to find some cool rocks. And wander off into the water. And just float away… Maybe just get in the car & drive. I keep thinking about that, just driving aimlessly. End up in another state. Live out of the car. Shame I have to keep my father in mind.

I keep holding Hubby’s pillow. And smelling his stinky drool lol. I miss his stinky drool. He’s been gone little over 24 hours. And I miss his drool. Heh. Every car that goes by relatively slowly, I keep thinking it might be him to check on me. Earlier, I heard a car & then a well timed bump. My heart about jumped out of chest. But it wasn’t him. I scared him away with my hysteria…


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